A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (duh?). On an impulse, I told her that no, I was starting "The Purina Diet" again, although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time.

I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because I'd been poisoned.

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the guy in front of us was going to cry......